First date in an apartment with a new friend. Life in a rented apartment: expectations and reality Meeting in a rented apartment
The article is intended for those guys and men who had an acquaintance with a new young lady, all the subsequent ones with her went well, somewhere on neutral territory. And now she agreed to a first date in the apartment. In your, so to speak, bachelor's den.
You savor in your mind the possible options for such a meeting in an intimate setting, indulging in your wildest fantasies. So, so that such a date does not end faster than you expected and does not become your last with this lady, carefully study the list of things that in no case should catch the eye of the young lady in your home.
Please note - this list was compiled by the representatives of the fair half of humanity themselves, so you can trust it 100%!
Let’s not mention that you need to do at least basic cleaning in your house - clean the bathtub and toilet from yellow stains, wash the mountain of accumulated dirty dishes in the kitchen sink, straighten the crumpled blanket on the bed and take out the trash can that exudes a bouquet of aromas.
This is what you will decide to do yourself.
But here is a list of things at the sight of which the romantic mood of a girl who has agreed to visit you very quickly disappears and is replaced by bewilderment, disgust and a desire to quickly leave your abode. Well, you too.
Medicines in a visible place
They are scattered throughout the house, collected in a pile in the bathroom, in the kitchen or by your bed - it doesn’t matter. The sight of these numerous ointments, tablets and bottles of mixtures instantly transforms you in the eyes of a girl from a brutal macho man into a snotty wimp with a bunch of diseases, the most innocent of which are hemorrhoids and herpes. Remember, people feel sorry for the sick, but they don’t love them. You're not interested in knowing about her problems with thrush or dandruff, are you? So don’t show off all your ins and outs if you want your first date in your apartment with this young lady to not turn into advice from the TV program “Be Healthy!”
Pulp Fiction next to the toilet
There should be NOTHING else in the toilet except paper, air freshener and toilet bowl cleaner with a brush! Get it on your nose - it doesn’t matter what kind of reading material the young lady will see if she visits this corner of your apartment: the second volume of “War and Peace” by Lev Nikolaevich, or the next issue of the magazine “Speed Info”. An unsightly image of you without pants will instantly appear before her eyes, when you sit with pleasure for hours on the “white throne”, inhaling exquisite aromas and thoughtfully delving into what you read. Leaving your toilet after what she saw, the girl, without stopping, can just as quickly leave your apartment.
Women's things
It looks very unconvincing to try to convince your guest that the women's panties she found were forgotten by your sister, and that you need lipstick for artistic painting of window panes. Your guest nods her head in agreement, but the thought that at the most inopportune moment another young lady may appear in the apartment and start a scandalous showdown will make her very quickly retreat from your nest of debauchery already occupied by another girl.
Advice: when cleaning your home, don’t go overboard with the desire to create sterile cleanliness, like in an operating room. An apartment that is too clean worries women much more than a “pig sty.” And if young ladies quickly leave an apartment where there is a stench and a mess, wincing with disgust, then the too clean housing makes them think that order in it is maintained by another girl, with whom you also enjoy spending your time.
Your “highly artistic photographs”
The girl came on the first date in the apartment with you, and not with numerous, even very, very successful photographs of you in beautiful poses. Such photos, displayed in public, lead young ladies to believe that the young man depicted in them (that is, you) is none other than a narcissistic peacock who spends hours admiring his own reflection in the mirror. By the way, God forbid if you have a mirror hanging on the ceiling in your bedroom! “He will therefore stare at how I jump on top of him or please him with oral caresses, but he himself does not assume any activity of his own!” - the usual thoughts of an ordinary girl when she sees such mirrored ceilings. Well, if only the girl is unusual, then...
Former greenery in flower pots
Dead plants with sadly protruding dry trunks and leaves make a depressing impression with their sad appearance, and bring to mind sad thoughts about the frailty of existence, the short duration of youth and life in general, and reminiscent of grave mounds with withered last year’s bouquets of something that was once blooming and alive... Urgent get this “melancholy” out of sight! Some sensitive young ladies associate a ruined flower with the prospect of their ruined future relationship with you, so you shouldn’t risk leaving such an “ikebana” on the windowsill.
Rusting sports equipment idle
Not using dumbbells for their intended purpose? Is the treadmill covered with a centimeter layer of dust and your clothes dry on it after washing? Don’t give the girl a reason to think of you as a weakling and a wimp who doesn’t know how to finish what she started (you bought these things to improve yourself?) Put all this stuff out of harm’s way, at least in the closet during the lady’s visit, don’t embarrass yourself in front of her.
Alcohol
The abundance of alcohol in your house, as well as empty dishes from it, will inevitably label you an “alcoholic” in the eyes of a girl. Or, to put it mildly, “heavy drinking young man.” If you are a collector of rare and expensive drinks, collecting them solely for aesthetic reasons, then at least try to explain this to your guest. If you are lucky and the young lady turns out to be a connoisseur, she will appreciate your collection, but in most cases, ladies do not delve into the difference between the 1903 Madeira bottling and the 1987 Rhine vintage and no longer appear on your horizon. Do you need it? Hide the bottles away and quickly.
Products from a sex shop
There are no options at all. It is unlikely that there will be a girl who will be delighted with the fact that they will play with her with a vibrator who has already experienced a “deep immersion” not in her innermost charms. And you won’t be able to prove to her that you opened the package just to admire the beautiful curves of this wonderful unit! Without packaging, it means it was used! The logic is ironclad. With sad consequences for you. Hide it and everything else from that same store, or keep everything in unopened packaging. And it’s better not to “shine” with such things at all, you don’t know this young lady very well yet. Maybe she's read stories about sexual perverts with their extensive tools for sadomasochistic pleasures with innocent victims. In general, put aside your erotic arsenal until better times.
Toys. Not sexy, but ordinary
Either you kept silent about the presence of children of primary school and preschool age, or you yourself are still playing with them, remembering your childhood. In the first case, you are a scoundrel who hid the truth about your own children from the young lady. In the second, there is an infantile young man who periodically falls into childhood. Although, according to survey results, 5% of girls said that they would react favorably to a guy if they saw soft toys in his house (they inspire them with peace of mind and confidence that the guy is kind and will not harm them). But for the remaining 95%, the presence of toys in the house still seems suspicious, so it’s better not to risk it.
"Aroma" in the apartment
What almost instantly makes a first date in an apartment your last? The unpleasant smell hanging in the apartment has such a repulsive effect on girls of any age, social status and upbringing that they are ready to immediately leave such a home, without even crossing its threshold! Women are generally much more sensitive to odors than men. And if they can still put up with socks randomly scattered around their home, they absolutely cannot with the smell from these socks. As with the stinking contents of the refrigerator or the “bouquet” of aromas from the bathroom and toilet. And no matter how hard you try to establish at least some relative order before meeting on your territory with the lady of your heart, if the house stinks, all is lost. All your efforts can be considered flushed down the toilet. Which, by the way, also stinks.
That's all
Carefully inspect your home if a visit from a new girl is planned. Take the time to eliminate everything listed above, and then the first date in the apartment will have the most pleasant continuation for you, with a delightful night and a sweet morning cooing in bed with the girl you invited.
At the end, a little humor, as always:
Study the situation on the Russian real estate market using stories T-Zh readers. This time - about how the expectations of a novice tenant can be dashed by harsh reality.
Money
Expectation: It’s profitable to rent cheaper and do the repairs at your own expense.
rented a destroyed apartment in the suburbs of Saratov for 8,000 rubles
Reality: the apartment was in a building next to a large enterprise, so whoever lived in it. The condition was disgusting: greasy wallpaper, smoked ceilings and walls. They made repairs, and a year later we were asked to move out, since the owner’s son was released from prison and had nowhere to live.
Expectation: Rent money can always be transferred to a card.
pays 16,000 rubles for a one-room apartment with a pot-bellied TV in Belgorod
Reality: I live in this rented apartment almost two years. The owner is a pensioner, he comes every month for rent to my home. Apparently he doesn't have a card and only needs cash. He cannot meet anywhere else. OK.
From time to time, his wife also comes with the owner. Under various pretexts: “Oh, I decided to take a walk and stop by,” “Yes, we’ll go straight to the store after you.” But it is clear that these are checks. Checks the safety of equipment and other things. Once I even got into the washing machine with dirty laundry - I didn’t disdain it! Constantly lectures me about letting the plumbing work go. Woman, your plumbing under Yeltsin was no longer very good, what do you want from me?
Expectation: Even if you pay in cash, at least at a time convenient for everyone.
Vyacheslav
lives in Kazan in rented apartments for the second year
Reality: in the spring of 2018, my girlfriend and I rented an apartment very close to the center of Kazan. The hostess seemed to be a very kind and pleasant woman. The first bell was that she refused to accept money on the card and demanded only cash payments. I could only come before work at 5-6 in the morning.
Once we went to visit relatives for a week and this time coincided with the date of payment for the apartment. We offered to send money to the card. She refused and angrily stated that we could go to our relatives some other time.
While we were away, the owner came to the apartment and launched a raid. I sent almost 40 photos with dissatisfied comments. When we returned, she began scrubbing the floors and washing our shoes with us. Finale: I opened the closet, and there were condoms. With shouts of “Are you also doing obscenities here?!” demanded to move out at the end of the lease. It's a shame about the apartment, it was very comfortable.
Expectation: The deposit may not be returned only if you really ruin something.
rented a one-room apartment in Moscow for 25,500 rubles
Reality: the owner refused to give up the rest of the deposit - 6,000 rubles. After we left, they decided to replace the old gas stove, which we allegedly dirty, although in fact the coating had deteriorated a long time ago. We didn’t have time to wash the refrigerator and microwave before leaving, and the tulle curtains had never been washed in three years. Then I saw an advertisement on the Internet - the apartment had been renovated and was being rented out for 4,500 rubles more, for 30,000.
Living conditions
Expectation: the apartment should be warm.
rented a small house in Tyumen for 10,000 rubles
Reality: I signed a contract with the owners for three months, as I was going to find better housing later. At first, the hostess seemed quite adequate to me, she assured me that the house was warm in winter, and I readily believed it. But at the end of my stay, it got colder outside and the temperature at home dropped proportionally - to +5 °C. I had to get hold of a heat gun to stay warm.
Expectation: if the apartment is in poor condition, then the owners will have nothing to worry about.
I rented a “grandmother’s” two-room apartment in Moscow for 42,000 rubles
Reality: I lived with a small child in Strogino in a typical “grandmother’s” two-room apartment with all the charms - carpets, dressing table, Yugoslav walls acquired through back-breaking labor, broken parquet, swollen linoleum in places in the kitchen.
Nothing could be thrown away; the owners’ personal belongings were dumped haphazardly in the depths of the closets. For some reason they could not take them away and did not allow them to be touched. Every month on Saturdays at 9 o'clock they came for money and arranged an audit. The owner, sometimes accompanied by his wife, began a partial inspection for 2-3 hours. I remember very well these faces suspecting me of something.
Expectation: The owners resolved all everyday problems before finding tenants.
Catherine
survived in a destroyed apartment in the Moscow region and paid 17,000 rubles
Reality: The owner started the renovation and did it on her own. In order not to disturb the residents, that is, my husband and I, I decided to come to the apartment in our work time. Every day we returned in anxiety, not knowing what was waiting there this time: cement dust covering everything in an even layer, bathroom walls cleared of tiles with the smell of fresh earth, or rows of cans and bags with construction materials that you need to step over on the way to kitchen.
The hostess brought food with her and left it in the refrigerator, and from repair work she rested on the bed.
After two months of renovation, we managed to find another apartment. Obviously, the landlady was counting on this, wanting to accommodate new tenants for a higher fee and not wanting to warn the old ones about this, so that they would not move out ahead of time, but would continue to pay.
Expectation: If you rent an apartment in a new building, then everything there will be new.
Overall, I’m happy with the apartment I’m renting in the south of Moscow for 36,000 rubles
Reality: at 2-3 o'clock in the morning a short deafening squeak was heard. The bride and I jumped up, didn’t understand what was going on, just started to fall asleep - and then again. I felt uneasy. A 10-minute search led to a kitchen wireless fire detector, which, as it turned out, signaled a dead battery in this way. At the same time, it was half covered with a layer of plaster - to access the battery, it had to be torn out of the ceiling along with this very plaster. The owner of the apartment was in slight shock: the renovation was from the developer, he didn’t even know about this feature. But he got into the situation.
Expectation: if the residential complex has a closed area, it means that the neighbors are decent and there is nothing to be afraid of.
rents a two-room apartment converted into a three-room apartment for 23,000 rubles
Reality: the apartment is abandoned, rundown, shabby, but you can live. In a four-story building almost in the region, in the middle of a forest and private plots with houses. The territory is closed; you can enter the yard only if you have a key button for the remote gate. Excellent children's playground, which even has ping pong tables.
For the first six months everything seemed to be quiet. The neighbors have lived there for a hundred years, everyone knows each other. But then it turned out that not everything was so smooth. First, a secured bicycle was stolen from our entrance - obviously on a tip from neighbors, the cameras recorded the man and what he was doing.
Then the neighbors fought, they had to call the police because there was blood all over the entrance, their children were crying - it was creepy, in general. We were assured that this had never happened. Now it’s hard to believe.
Personal space
Expectation: if the owners rent out the apartment, it means they won’t use it.
got into a bad situation in a good apartment for 12,000 in Nizhny Novgorod
Reality: came home, and things were not in their places. It turned out that while we were away, the wife of the apartment owner was meeting her boyfriend there. We found out about this by chance: there was an inspection at work and ordinary employees were allowed to go home from lunch. I came to the apartment and was shocked.
Expectation: The owners will remove important things from the apartment before renting it out.
Gregory
I rented an “ordinary pensioner’s apartment” in Kazan for 12,000 rubles
Reality: the landlady broke into the apartment while I was away. She wrote that she really didn’t like me touching her father’s books: there were about three hundred of them in the apartment. She said she took Shakespeare. And it was there that I kept the money set aside to pay for the apartment. I say: “The money inside the book is for the next month.” A week later, she asked to move out, making up a story about a brother who had nowhere to live.
Expectation: the owner cannot come without warning.
lived for three years in rented apartments in three different cities
Reality: I was at work, and my wife was doing fitness at home, wearing headphones. The owner simply opened the apartment with his key, walked around it, and took the things he needed. Then he entered the room, which greatly frightened his wife. He answered a silent question in the spirit of: “Well, you didn’t answer the call, but I was just passing by and decided to grab a couple of things at the same time.”
Relationships with owners
Expectation: the apartment is rented out by its owner.
has been filming for 17 years
Reality: I rented a cool two-room apartment through friends I knew. True, wildly dirty. Things were lying around as if someone had run away and left everything in a hurry.
A young woman, the owner's widow, rented the apartment to me, without a contract. In the process of cleaning, I found a photo of the family: there was a fat policeman who was killed, his children, but the wife was a completely different woman. This stressed me out, but I was too lazy to move again, and I closed my eyes to it.
Then the calls to the home phone and silence on the phone began. I felt uneasy. One day I come, and there is this “widow” with her two-year-old son. He says: “My parents kicked me out, I have nowhere to live - I’ll live here for now.” I was shocked, of course, but I was modest and didn’t object to her.
She got drunk and passed out on my bed. Her son was running around in poop all over the apartment. He managed, excuse me, to piss on the drafts of my dissertation. I washed him and fed him. The next day, when I came home from work, in the dimly lit corridor of the apartment I met a man of Eastern nationality. The “widow” was lying around drunk again, yelled that it was her guest, and passed out. The story with the child repeated itself - only this time I prudently bought him something for children to eat.
In short, my patience ran out after a week. She said that either I would leave, or she should leave. She left. And the calls and silence on the phone continued. In general, I soon left there because it became completely creepy. I suspect that the guy was killed in some kind of showdown, and the “widow” was actually his mistress. The call could have been from a real wife or someone who was applying for an apartment.
Expectation: You can always negotiate with the owner.
Alexander
I rented a two-room apartment with a friend
Reality: I had an agreement with the owner that we would pay all utilities ourselves. Probably, many young people starting an independent life are faced with such a problem as payment utilities: where to go, who to pay, how to write off meter readings. We were no exception. We were 19-20 years old, and we solved it as simply as possible - we didn’t pay.
When the owner learned about the accumulated debt - about 10 thousand rubles in 2012 - she chose the most illegal, but the most effective way to get money from two idiots. While my friend and I were at the university, she came to the apartment and found our passports and the most valuable things for students - laptops. After the unauthorized “confiscation,” she notified us that she would return everything as soon as we presented her with the paid receipts. We had to urgently find a way to settle payments with housing and communal services organizations.
The “hostages” returned the same day, and they lived in perfect harmony with the hostess for another couple of years.
Expectation: many are against cats and dogs, but there are no problems with rodents.
7 years ago I rented a house in Moscow for the first time
Reality: the hostess arrived earlier than the agreed time, while no one was home, and found it in the closet - why not climb through the closets? - a cage with a rat. She threw a tantrum over the phone, then in person: now her closet stank of animals. Although the rat did not leave the cage, it was possible to simply ventilate and solve all the problems. But the owner tried to take the keys away that same day. In the end, we managed to come to an agreement and move out within a couple of weeks.
Expectation: If something goes wrong, you can safely move out.
settled in the center of Rostov-on-Don for 15,000 rubles per month
Reality: the hostess was well over 60. She made sure that my friend and I did not bring guys into the apartment. Periodically she was on duty on the street in front of the house, although she herself lived on the other side of the city.
If she managed to guess from the windows that we were not there, she would go into the apartment and count her old down pillows and Soviet crystal. Every month she sent us old stuff from her apartment for storage. I still remember the manual washing machine “Baby” for half the bathroom.
On the day of departure, she wanted to sit on a chair next to our beds all night and watch so that we would not steal her old crystal and keys to the apartment. The only way to get her out was by swearing. The next day at 7 am she was already on the threshold to count everything.
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Almost every one of us has ever rented a room or apartment, and those who haven’t tried it have probably thought about it at least once. However, your treasured corner does not always bring peace and tranquility; sometimes renting a home turns into an exciting quest or a game of survival. For example, have you ever been called crazy because your phone has music instead of a beep? Or been denied a rental because you have long hair?
website collected the most heart-warming and funny stories that tenants shared with us.
I rent a room, a girl rents the second one. You can’t say anything, she’s young, incredibly beautiful, eats right, works 10 hours a day, and then also goes to the gym. And today it happened. I go into the kitchen, she eats her bran with milk and dried apricots, looks up at me and sincerely says: “I’m so sick of this!”
We rented a room from a strict grandmother: lights out at 11, don’t sit at the computer. I lived with 2 other boys from Sharaga, the computer was mine, but they all studied to be programmers. Once I sat down at the computer at 22:50, 10 minutes is not enough, so the granny started muttering at 23:05: “Turn it off, now turn it off.” After another 5 minutes I hear her turn off the shield! I would be on fire if I didn’t have an uninterruptible power supply! But then she was surprised how the computer worked without light.
I met a guy, a month later we decided to live together, we rented an apartment “in half”... a year later I found out that the apartment was his!
I was preparing for exams, it was 21:00, the hostess opens the door to my room and silently turns off the light. I was completely surprised at first, thinking maybe she just didn’t notice me in a room 2 by 2.5 meters. Then he opens the door again and says: “We need to study during the day, not at night, you’re disturbing my daughter’s sleep.” I said that I was moving out tomorrow, but the lights would be on until the morning (exactly the next day was the day the rent was paid).
As students, my friend and I were looking for an apartment. We looked for advertisements in the newspaper, called one at a time, and there the grandmother was in a commanding voice, like in the movie “Mule, don’t make me nervous”: “So, who will live?” Us: “Two students.” “So it is. I will live with you, pay rent + utilities, be home by 21:00, don’t drink, don’t smoke, I won’t let you into the kitchen, I’ll cook everything myself, and you only buy groceries, I’ll make the list myself. Are you a good student? Do you receive a scholarship? Do you have any girls? The friend just mumbled into the phone: “Well...” “Okay, I’ll call you back in a minute.” He calls back and says the following: “You have music playing instead of a dial tone - you’re crazy” - and hangs up.
I should have been immediately wary when I called based on the advertisement, and the first question from the apartment owner was: “Isn’t your hair long?” I have a light floor, the hair is immediately noticeable.”
I rented one from my grandfather... free time I read books, but it turns out I had to communicate with him. So he asked the doctor to check me, saying that I was some kind of crazy person - lying in the dark in the evenings, staring at the phone. Then this old man almost burned down his own house: he got drunk and left a frying pan with mushrooms on the fire overnight. Then he told me: “Either you talk to me, or you pay a thousand more.” I chose the second one, and after 2 days he told me to check out. Which I gladly did.
My husband and I have changed many rental apartments. Our grandmother lived on the last one before us, and she died there. Neighbors said that grandma was an extremely unpleasant person. Footsteps could be heard all the time in the apartment, dishes rattled and the lights flickered. We finally bought our own... We found out that our grandmother had also died there before us. First of all, when we entered the apartment after the purchase, they jokingly said: “I wonder if we can become friends with this granny? At least blink the light, bah.” The light blinked and went out for half a day. We think: it was “yes” or “no”...
I rented an apartment in a new building and paid six months in advance. I was amazed by the neighbors upstairs: above me lived a family of elephant football players, moving furniture every evening and dancing lezginka until the morning. Conversations did not help, but it turned out that the owner of the apartment had another apartment above my neighbors above. I paid extra and took it off. On the first evening, I invited a friend to play basketball in the apartment. The neighbor did not keep himself waiting, he immediately came running to break the door. Oh those crazy eyes, it was worth it!
We then lived in a rented apartment, the child was not yet a year old, and door to door with us was also a family, but older, with three boys of the same age. The man worked as a policeman and, accordingly, often returned long after midnight. And he called our intercom. It could be 12 at night or 4 in the morning. At least 2 times a week. Well, we are understanding people, we always got up and opened the front door for him, and then the vestibule. This lasted for about six months, no less.
And then I ran into his wife on the street and still asked what the reason was. Doesn't he have keys or is your intercom not working? The answer killed me. He doesn’t take his keys on patrol so as not to lose them, and he doesn’t ring the intercom so as not to wake up the children. In response to my indignation that we also seemed to have a child, she calmly replied that one of us would wake up, but they had all three! Oh, yes, how come I didn’t think of it... Since then, we have turned off the intercom at night.
The rented apartment has cardboard walls. Accordingly, audibility is ideal. Children's screams, dogs barking, stomping - that's okay. But the most amazing thing is how the neighbor on the right farts and laughs at it. He laughs so joyfully and fervently that it is impossible not to smile. And in public he is a sporty and polished guy, always wearing perfectly tailored suits and driving a perfectly cleaned foreign car.
I rent an apartment with a friend. And we often cook together. Or rather, I cook the food for my money, and we eat together. She was silent and silent, and told her everything. She was offended and pointedly stopped buying bread, as if so that I could see what her contribution to food was. One problem - I don't eat bread.
My husband and I have been renting an apartment for about a month. He left for work for a day. I called a friend: we sat and chatted, everything was great. 2 am, I called a taxi and went outside to see her off. She left, and I went to the intercom and... I understand that I forgot my keys at home. Heart in heels. It would be nice during the day! I would call the first apartment I came across and ask them to open it. But disturbing people at night is too much for me.
My husband and I lived in a rented apartment with the owners’ furniture. And there was, among other things, a gorgeous three-tiered Lego castle that stood on the top shelves. One day guests with children came to us and, seeing it, asked to play with it. The husband, of course, got it for the children, and in the process of playing they dismantled the castle to the ground. After that, I spent a whole month trying to reassemble it from memory, since I couldn’t find the same one on the Internet.
During this time, I probably swore at everyone: the children, who dismantled someone else’s thing without asking, and my husband, who gave this very thing to the children, and then didn’t even help restore it, but in the end I was never able to build the castle. So it remained disassembled and lay in the box. The owners didn't say anything. It's been 3 years since we moved out of that apartment, and I'm still ashamed.
Bonus
Finding an apartment in Moscow- it’s something like: “I will rent a kennel 3 by 3 square meters to Russian Orthodox vegetarians without children, preferably virgins or infertile, who love Dostoevsky, non-smokers, non-drinkers, breathers. The nearest metro is a three-day ride on reindeer, I want money for this as the annual income of Gazprom.